Monday, August 29, 2011

简讯 给你

一次过把两千多封或多过两千封的简讯给删除。
生日祝福,温馨问候,无聊通话,趣味搞笑,一封不留。

一直以来都不想把所有简讯删除,上一次是因为电话发出警讯,在逼于无奈下狠心删除。
每一封简讯都被赐予生命,在我生命中扮演重要角色。
我是个没发简讯就没法读书的人,所以很谢谢有签王陪我度过那一段鼓噪乏味的读书生涯。
不擅与人交流,在人前总是绑手绑脚的,说话很直,所以惹人讨厌。
我并不虚伪,所以不爽你我不会隐瞒。
发简讯亦是如此,不爽就不发。
所以我只给在乎的人发简讯。
也会留下每一封我觉得重要的简讯,因为我珍惜属于我们的回忆。
但包袱太重了,我负担不起。
全都丢掉吧。
不舍得?没有。
人总不该活在过去,被以往种种给绑住,局限于顾影自怜。

---

那天和妈谈了很多。
她说:你太孤僻了啦。
我静静不答。
其实我懂答案。
不喜欢和一大帮人出去逛街。
很讨厌每个人都各怀鬼胎却装作没事情。
很讨厌每次想吃东西却得折腾好久,你想吃什么是不会讲出来吗?
很讨厌你们每次有意无意的拿我来开玩笑,我受不起!
很讨厌你其实不想出来却装作很热情,然后在背后狂骂。
很讨厌你们很不诚实!
但我最讨厌我就是这样直接!
还是败在自己的手上,一直以来都是这样。
所以不管怎样都好,我逛街都是一个人。
我可以随心所欲。
我吃我想吃的,买我所求。
不怕你在旁指指点点,我爽就好!

妈妈问我:你不可能每天一个人啊。
其实还是有朋友啦。
就那个11号,我每次进她家都会被guard阻拦的惠小姐。
因为她是唯一一个可以让我闭嘴聆听她故事的人。
还有,她很败家!

Thursday, August 25, 2011

A Weirdo.


I'm going to put down my ego,my pride.
I certainly need to face myself for at least one night.
To write a post about how exactly I feel,how I want things to be done and so on.
It's not easy after all.


I'm finally back to the Andrew used to be.
Someone who prefers to reminisce about past.
Trying to understand what went wrong and learn from the irrecoverable mistake.
My mind running like an unstoppable train.
It's tiring but worthy as in I learn to know more.
Who am I? What I want? How I want it to be?

I guess I'm just too arrogant.
I always wanted to be the successful person,someone who knows it all.
But I still have loads to learn.


For the past one year,I guess i was not myself.
I couldn't understand what kind of bastard that I have become.
To abuse someone who could cherish me for life.
I did not wake up until today.
Yeah,I'm a faker,a fool!
And what you thinking now?About all the mistakes that I have made?
Come on,I'm imperfect too.
No one is perfect,that's why pencils have erasers!


After all,I'm still a weirdo.
Creepy.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Full Stop.


Been dragging it for almost a year and I guess it's time to really put it a full stop.
Full stop.
A part of me feeling depressed while a part of me wanted it to end desperately.

When I was younger,I used to trust someone whole heartedly.
But when I'm getting elder,I begin to hide, to fear.
I'm afraid.Perhaps the past nightmare is too vivid.

I choose to seal my heart and waiting for someone to unlock it.Ironic isn't it?
The key?
If you could show me the sincerity and the faith you hold.


What now?
You think a charming smiling face has no background?
Especially those hideous past.
You think I'll tell everyone the inner part of me?
When I choose to tell you,I have trust in you that you will accept me.
Cherish me and believe me.
And time proves everything.
I was so wrong!


At first I couldn't believe that you could say something like that.
Cruel and inhumanity.
I din't know that I would feel hurt.
Not till this moment.


Cool down.This is what I told myself EVERYDAY.
Damage is done.
It's alright.
I'm just a fool and please don't come back and ridicule me again,not anymore.
I again trusted a wrong person.
I'm so fucking embarassing now.
Used to tell people how good you are and you are one of my best friend.


No more about you.
I swear and promise.

Full Stop.


















I'm not your ghost anymore.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

无题 如题


兜兜转转,五个月快过去了。

接到大学的通知也有两个月的时间了,但总是提不起劲。该弄的总是搁在一旁,该买的就是下不了手。很怀疑究竟自己到底是患上懒惰加不以为然综合症,还是上大学恐惧症?

很憧憬上大学的日子,但却多了一丝丝的恐惧。在KMJ时,只要考试压力神经被触动,总会告诉自己熬过去后就会是美好的大学生涯。努力说服自己熬下去,安慰自己未来会更好。但,在准备上大学的这段期间,看了很多书,读了很多博客,翻阅人们在论坛的风风雨雨,怯却无形中堆砌起来。

很多人告诉我五年一眨眼就流逝,但我懂这不是一段简单的岁月。很多的未知数在等待着我,也无法想象未来的自己会是怎样一个模样,但我坚信做好自己就足够。不管路再难走,荆棘如何刺痛,也不想忘记为何想当医生的初衷。

大学五年,不想被书本绑死,被书呆子框住,想改变读书方式和思考模式,谈何容易。但我相信只要有恒心,我办得到,加油!

---

最近变得很我行我素。

一个人吃饭,看电影,逛街,看书,听歌,讲话,发呆。其实感觉良好。

不想与人交流,脸上强硬挤压出来的笑容显得我好虚伪。尽谈些我不喜欢的话题让我好不自在,但我不会强逼你喜欢我喜欢的东西,因为这样好做作。

想对某个人说,你没必要刻意显示你和他感情有多好,我不在乎。你的友情价值观让我不禁佩服,是可笑的。朋友不是物品,他不附属予你,而你也不拥有他。也许你觉得他是你的知己或是最要好的朋友,但看在我眼里却是强行拥有。但我奇怪的是,他又不是你的情人,为何如此霸占他?




















那段年少轻狂,是我怀念的。

Monday, August 8, 2011

谎言

看到你写的种种谎言,痛心不已。我不想去与你争吵些什么,不值得。
你让我见识到人究竟有几恐怖,几丑陋。我说的话可以被你捏造成铁一般的事实,然后博取别人的同情,佩服!

我和你畅谈,告诉你预科班的生活,而你告诉我中六的生涯。
和你攀谈下,发觉你是个自大狂,所以不想多说。
无意间发现你写的博客,印证了我对你的看法。
只不过,我以为你就是自大而已,但原来你可怕至极。
原来搬弄事实是你的强项,虚伪是你的家常便饭!

我从不会骄傲的向他人炫耀,因为我怕报应。
我也不会脑残到连经济系都不懂,我身边很多朋友都修读这一科。
但你的谎言却把我塑造成一位这类型人物。
但我觉得你纯粹只是幼稚。
幼稚!

不想去计较,不屑与你争执,反正我们也没什么关系了。
我其实并不大量,只是我觉得不原谅一个人,心里还是在乎的。
我可不想在乎你这种人。